I have been reincarnated several times and lived hundreds of lives.

I have been a straightened paper clip in a nondescript executive's office on the eastern seaboard. I was damaged reprehensibly in a quiet fit of anxiety during a conference call with corporate.

I was lichen and I was moss during most of the eighteen hundreds, in a part of the world I know not. I gave myself the name Dr. Tristan McStumbles III and created long, confused medical mystery plays in my little mossy brain.

I was once a banana split sundae with extra nuts and whip cream which was a joy I had never known and now seldom remember.

Terrible begginings from even worse imaginary short stories

"Why, with enough vinegar you could pickle just about anything."

- Grandma Latke's Secret Cellar



"I'm sorry, your son will never be able to blow his nose again... ever."

- COUNTY a memoir by Dr. Tristan McStumbles III



"Sera was beautiful, she smelled like cookies and sunshine, but she was also a troubled young woman. She spelt her name with an -e- (which you already knew) and then there was the herpes."

- Love Blisters