Monday, March 28, 2011

furlough 2011 sheeeeeit

A conversation with Art

Me: If you could travel back in time would you give yourself a blowjob? Let's say you travelled back in time and met the you from the past. Would you blow yourself and would you think of yourself as gay after?
Me: I mean it would be you, not another guy. It would be like masturbating except you know, you have a cock in your mouth even though it's your own...
Me: I'm just saying, could you lay back and enjoy a blowjob from the future you, knowing full and well that at a future date you would have to travel back in time and suck off a guy even though that guy is yourself, you know, to complete the time circuit...
Me: I don't think that makes you gay.
Art: You have a time machine and you went back in time and gave yourself a blowjob? That's a waste of a time machine dude.

things I say to Porter 28 mar 2011

I love you. Do you love me?

Coming soon, A LittlePeople storyline involving the whole cast of characters:

Crazy White Girl aka CW

Langston Hughes future Aeronautic Engineer whose only desire is to go to school

Fireman Bob and his cat Blisters

Mario Lopez the lovable hispanic school bus driver

Monday, June 14, 2010

a conversation with porter

porter: you know what would be super fun???

me: what's that porter?

porter: if you just put me in the closet in the basement, closed the door and went upstairs and took a nap.

me: that would be really weird, and i think child abuse. why would you want me to do that?

porter: we can call it porter time and don't worry no one would need to know, especially mom. this could be our little secret.

me: i don't know about this. (placing baby in closet)

porter: well i do. now remember to leave me in here for at least the next three hours and what ever you do, don't open the door. do you remember the scene in poltergeist at the end, after the clown, the mom runs into the children's room and they are being sucked into that vortex that looks exactly like a woman's vagina?

me: i do

porter: so do i and i've never seen the movie. get it now?

me: thanks porter, good looking out and i owe you one. (closing door and going upstairs to take nap)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

-Ghost Raper-

We find our intrepid warrior outside of a nondescript apartment building.

Narrator: We're here in West Hollywood to investigate several strange occurrences that have happened here at the residence of Jimmy Dean and his roommate Bob Evans (names have been changed to protect identities) and try to ascertain if these events, as the two roommates suspect, are paranormal activity. I've brought with me my cameraman George-lucas to record any visual spectral phenomenon as well as any auditory evidence that may or may not occur, as well as the events that transpire as a result. I'll have to spend one night at this haunted house in an attempt to capture the appiration on film and then try to cornhole the poltergeist. Let's go!

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Brian Schultz is still in if you are.


Brian Schultz wants to know: What's in your backpack?