happy gilmore girls

"so what do you do for a living?"

-butter sculptor
-professional test taker
-undecided
-domestic violence poster boy

these are the answers to the question that ran through scooter's mind as he hugged the bar.
quiet as it's kept scooter didn't really have a job.
scooter spent several hours this work week taking pictures of the water filtration plant with a cheap disposable camera. where other people see an illegal domestic spying program, scooter sees the chance to become a quasi- celebrity within certain departments of his local fbi branch.
she continued "i'm not trying to pry or anything... it's just i saw the briefcase."
truthfully now, scooter carried that thing (suitcase) around all day riding the various public transit systems. spending the morning prepping the case, teasing the wires to hang out just so from the case. wires that are connected to nothing. sweating his ass off in a much too big scratchy overcoat. riding the train going nowhere.

he went with professional test taker.

"I dropped out of junior year of high school and since then my intelligence has remained perfectly average." (this part is true)
"i'm serious." said scooter with mock aghast at the disbelieving look she gave him before she picked up her wild turkey and diet coke and taking a deep pull through that tiny straw set it down on the bar again and said "pray tell"

"i'm a freak of nature. i have perfectly average intelligence."
leaning in he made sure to touch elbows as he explained
"whenever they come out with a new test.. sat or act, iq, or whatever. they bring me in and have me take the test. these things are designed by whomever. i don't know. but they and i use that word in italics. i'll lean in a little and to the left to emphasize the italics."
scooter leaned in rubbing shoulders this time with the poor girl.
"they don't really have any idea how hard the test is. i mean not really."

"this is where you come in" the girl said.
)she was wearing a scarf. why was she wearing a scarf? it was in throws of july?(

"exactly, i come in and take the test and establish the baseline. you know, which all other comers are measured against. i mean they don't want these tests they created to be too easy or too hard."
the girl who will be known as churchill. churchill downs (her father had a thing for the ponies... more on that later) now turned her wobbly stool towards scooter and pushing her fun bags together for desired effect and not affect breathlessly exclaimed "you don't say?" with appropriate mocked interest for a totally bullshit story.
continued....