sue sat up.
sue: so what if she doesn't love you? it's the things you love and not the other way around that defines you, as you... see???
mudd: i tried that. quiet as it's kept, it's not working out so great.
sue: we'll talk more on the subject later...
mudd: i don't know. i don't know anymore. i thought i did but i don't. not really.
sue: the museum is about to close and you are going to have to leave. we'll talk more about the subject later.
mudd: my fifty minutes is up? i understand...
(mudd fevershily buttoned up his navy blue winter coat and pulling his collar tight around the neck rubbed his balding head)
sue: in a perfect situtation how would you like to see this resolved?
mudd: i'd want to her in my arms and tell her this is going to be the way the way it is and no one can help it a bit.
sue: and... how does that make you feel?
mudd: angry and dejected. i don't know how i'm supposed to feel... but it's not like this. i didn't want this. i didn't ask for this.
sue (the t-rex skeleton): we'll talk more about this later... okay???
mudd flattened his dry spiked hair against his head with a sticky palm heaved a sigh.
mudd: i suppose
sue: good- bye
mudd: bye
and with that the boy named mudd stomped down the stairs and into the cold february evening out onto the cracked steps of the field museum and after lighting a clove cigarette wandered home.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
07 ocT 02
do you want this jacket?
i'll give it to you, because i am cloaked in failure.
it's one ten in morning and i am wide awake. i think i might go home after i punch out on or two more pages of this journal thing and finish watching mission impossible two. i am going running tomorrow and lifting weights. i have the l.a. police test in two months and i need to get in a lot better shape if i want to be placed high on the list of applicants to ensure a place at the academy. quiet as it's kept... i don't think it's that hard to become the l.a.p.d. i think they're hiring illegal aliens... so long as you can prove that you've lived in the states for more then five years or something. there is no bench press test nor is there the mile and a half run, it's a stationary bike and a chest expander test. what the hell is that???
i need to stop eating so much, not because i'm going to get fat (which i am) but because food is so damn expensive. it's like all the guys i went to high school were the same but they swelled. since school started and i haven't been working full time i think i put on a pound or two. i need to to start watching what i eat because i am slowly killing myself. my dad didn't drink or smoke but he packed away the oreos three at a time... fitting those soggy things in his mouth, finishing a row after a meal. i think i eat a little bit better then him but i have moments.
for the next two weeks i am going to just try and chill out...
i'll give it to you, because i am cloaked in failure.
it's one ten in morning and i am wide awake. i think i might go home after i punch out on or two more pages of this journal thing and finish watching mission impossible two. i am going running tomorrow and lifting weights. i have the l.a. police test in two months and i need to get in a lot better shape if i want to be placed high on the list of applicants to ensure a place at the academy. quiet as it's kept... i don't think it's that hard to become the l.a.p.d. i think they're hiring illegal aliens... so long as you can prove that you've lived in the states for more then five years or something. there is no bench press test nor is there the mile and a half run, it's a stationary bike and a chest expander test. what the hell is that???
i need to stop eating so much, not because i'm going to get fat (which i am) but because food is so damn expensive. it's like all the guys i went to high school were the same but they swelled. since school started and i haven't been working full time i think i put on a pound or two. i need to to start watching what i eat because i am slowly killing myself. my dad didn't drink or smoke but he packed away the oreos three at a time... fitting those soggy things in his mouth, finishing a row after a meal. i think i eat a little bit better then him but i have moments.
for the next two weeks i am going to just try and chill out...
paht whatever of whatever: or... the story about the samurai and ronin
"that's what tetanus is for babe"... the nonsequitor overheard today by my neighbors talking.
michigan: maybe you drink too much
bear: maybe i breathe too much... ha ha
michigan: you're drunk and i'm leaving. call me when you've sobered up.
bear: you can't leave because i'm already gone babe.
narrator: bear pushes past the other young man and having pulled open the door stumbles down the stairs walking into into the damp false dawn of morning.
samurai: (to each other).... bear is a non- issue, leave him to destroy himself
narrator: and they watched as he steadied himself and resumed a slow shuffle down the center of the street through the patchy predawn light.
bear: you know, i can hear you... in my minds eye (pressing a swollen finger to his bruised temple)...
narrator: what???
bear: your thoughts. i can hear them: resuming a slow shuffle down the street blah, blah, blah... pressing a bruised finger to his swollen temple. are your ready???
narrator: i suppose... it's highly unorthodox.
bear: it's all in the past now. everyone is living in the past, constantly. it's self sustaining. no future, no present... only the past. even as you read these words you're only really reminiscing about the word you just read last, like this one, or this one...no wait... this one
narrator: so, it doesn't matter does it? because it's already done...
bear: exactly... you've said it yourself... from many, one.
narrator: upcheck has been left for dead.
bear: he will survive
narrator: the man becomes sullen, he becomes morose... his girlfriend breaks up with him. in a different time, a different place they would have been married. she would have had a million of his babies.
bear: all of this has been written...
narrator: from many, one
bear: from many, one
michigan quietly cat leaps from the open window of the three story burn out, the building has been gutted by a fire long past since... and falls gracefully to the waiting samurai below. he falls towards the earth and the warm dry clay, kicking up a cloud of coarse smoked earth and the expectant sinewy arms of the samurai below...
michigan: maybe you drink too much
bear: maybe i breathe too much... ha ha
michigan: you're drunk and i'm leaving. call me when you've sobered up.
bear: you can't leave because i'm already gone babe.
narrator: bear pushes past the other young man and having pulled open the door stumbles down the stairs walking into into the damp false dawn of morning.
samurai: (to each other).... bear is a non- issue, leave him to destroy himself
narrator: and they watched as he steadied himself and resumed a slow shuffle down the center of the street through the patchy predawn light.
bear: you know, i can hear you... in my minds eye (pressing a swollen finger to his bruised temple)...
narrator: what???
bear: your thoughts. i can hear them: resuming a slow shuffle down the street blah, blah, blah... pressing a bruised finger to his swollen temple. are your ready???
narrator: i suppose... it's highly unorthodox.
bear: it's all in the past now. everyone is living in the past, constantly. it's self sustaining. no future, no present... only the past. even as you read these words you're only really reminiscing about the word you just read last, like this one, or this one...no wait... this one
narrator: so, it doesn't matter does it? because it's already done...
bear: exactly... you've said it yourself... from many, one.
narrator: upcheck has been left for dead.
bear: he will survive
narrator: the man becomes sullen, he becomes morose... his girlfriend breaks up with him. in a different time, a different place they would have been married. she would have had a million of his babies.
bear: all of this has been written...
narrator: from many, one
bear: from many, one
michigan quietly cat leaps from the open window of the three story burn out, the building has been gutted by a fire long past since... and falls gracefully to the waiting samurai below. he falls towards the earth and the warm dry clay, kicking up a cloud of coarse smoked earth and the expectant sinewy arms of the samurai below...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
04 june 2005
it will be two year in two days for when i left for australia. what a strange little trip it's been. from here to there, back and forth and back again. i wanted to be alone tonight. to tear, i guess, to tear my flesh off in huge ragged chunks until i looked like how i feel inside. this is my life. i chose this. the person i am now is going to hate myself in what??? six months... six years. a glutton for punishment. relationships are ridiculous things but we need the eggs... it's not the end of the world what ever it is.
24 april 2005
kevin: you know what this party needs???
colin: no, what?
kevin: more dudes!!!!!
24 april 2005
kevin: you know what this party needs???
colin: no, what?
kevin: more dudes!!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
17 noVember 05
ooh prague, it's a beautiful city. hot wine on cold nights. goulash, kafka and wursts with mustard and chunks of rye bread. i have the whole room to myself at the beta hostel and it's lovely and you can smoke in the room and take hot private showers. i know it can't last. i wandered around the city venturing further and further out getting more and more turned around... but that's okay because i don't really have anywhere to be. i'm not lonely, only alone... and it's suiting because it's self induced. if it ain't baroque don't fix it. praha is divided into four bits: old town, new town, lesser town and some other part that involves a castle. the last two are across the river vltava. i know this because i have the map in front of me and also because i got drunk and took the 1,000 czech crown tour "prague at night". i have two more cities to go and truthfully now... i just want to come home. i walked up the hill and saw the prague eiffel tower and the castle. in london i managed to stay lost for about five hours and saw buckingham palace. the tower of london is actually a bunch of towers and whole place is very flat and low to the ground. mendy and dave have just been amazing to me. fish and chips; curries and pubs and walks up and down the thames with coffee breaks. they've made a home for themselves about ten minutes from victoria station and mendy's making plans with her friends james and jenny for her hen party. i'm staying in vysehrad next to the metro that runs inside the expressway. vysehard castle was built in the 10th century and was the king's home and the center of the kingdom until 1140, blah, blah, blah...
if you hit the river then you know that you've gone too far west with powder gate and all the windy narrow streets at odd angles and large flat paving stones which are a god send because you can hear a car coming from a mile away. the tires bouncing in between the cracks of the stones in the distinct flip, flip, flip sound letting you know a vehicle is coming down the crazy blind alley that you're walking down and you better start heading towards the sidewalk and safety. here it's the little things: the way everyone sets your change down on the counter and yes, get ready for it... it is the royale with cheese.
if you hit the river then you know that you've gone too far west with powder gate and all the windy narrow streets at odd angles and large flat paving stones which are a god send because you can hear a car coming from a mile away. the tires bouncing in between the cracks of the stones in the distinct flip, flip, flip sound letting you know a vehicle is coming down the crazy blind alley that you're walking down and you better start heading towards the sidewalk and safety. here it's the little things: the way everyone sets your change down on the counter and yes, get ready for it... it is the royale with cheese.
12 apRil 07
no, no, no... listen
moving in with liz at the end of the month. first we get the khakis then we get the girls. making or trying to make, red beans and rice while listening to to tupelo honey. how perfect is this moment??? hot wine on cold nights. eating a brawt at the fucking game, (jesus christ... did i even know this girl?) australia, alaska, rowanda (sp)??? i suppose it's the people you love and not not the other way around.
moving in with liz at the end of the month. first we get the khakis then we get the girls. making or trying to make, red beans and rice while listening to to tupelo honey. how perfect is this moment??? hot wine on cold nights. eating a brawt at the fucking game, (jesus christ... did i even know this girl?) australia, alaska, rowanda (sp)??? i suppose it's the people you love and not not the other way around.
da bear- part (2) two of the seven eleven
bear sat lazily on the roof of some nondescript boarded up building smoking and drinking from a dented can of warm beer... waving his hand in sluggish circles.
bear: all of this is temporary- god, you, me and ice cream. it's not a lot, but it's our lot in life.
upcheck sat indian style his arms folded tightly across his chest.
upcheck: you know this isn't over, you may think this is done but...
bear flopped over on his side and pulling his legs up to his chest and folding his arms over his scabbed knees... whispered to himself "is this my mind? is this my mind? is this my mind?"
upcheck sat quietly and stared off into space before speaking again.
upcheck: this is not over, this thing we created has become more... and not even death can stop it now. not his, not mine, not even yours. they will defeat us all... i don't even know what that means anymore.
upcheck stood up and dusted off the back side of his pants. "they attacked michigan last night, he managed to get away. i don't know what would have happened to him... meditate on that."
narrator: and with that upcheck turned to leave, exit stage left.
narrator: the game was fought at night under the cover of darkness and in good faith, until the time...
upcheck ducked into an alley glancing over his shoulder occasionally, he made his way across the wet cobblestone making his way home, it was after dark.
the three samurai lay in wait, in the shadows of a quiet gangway.
the fight was brief and a violent mess. it was only ended by the sound of approaching sirens, several minutes later, as one of the assassins threw elbow after elbow into the base of his skull in an attempt to separate the brain from the spinal column.
narrator: from many, one
bear: all of this is temporary- god, you, me and ice cream. it's not a lot, but it's our lot in life.
upcheck sat indian style his arms folded tightly across his chest.
upcheck: you know this isn't over, you may think this is done but...
bear flopped over on his side and pulling his legs up to his chest and folding his arms over his scabbed knees... whispered to himself "is this my mind? is this my mind? is this my mind?"
upcheck sat quietly and stared off into space before speaking again.
upcheck: this is not over, this thing we created has become more... and not even death can stop it now. not his, not mine, not even yours. they will defeat us all... i don't even know what that means anymore.
upcheck stood up and dusted off the back side of his pants. "they attacked michigan last night, he managed to get away. i don't know what would have happened to him... meditate on that."
narrator: and with that upcheck turned to leave, exit stage left.
narrator: the game was fought at night under the cover of darkness and in good faith, until the time...
upcheck ducked into an alley glancing over his shoulder occasionally, he made his way across the wet cobblestone making his way home, it was after dark.
the three samurai lay in wait, in the shadows of a quiet gangway.
the fight was brief and a violent mess. it was only ended by the sound of approaching sirens, several minutes later, as one of the assassins threw elbow after elbow into the base of his skull in an attempt to separate the brain from the spinal column.
narrator: from many, one
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