sloths...sloths!!! aka paid a dog to burn down a hospital

if you're going to sit there and insult me at least make it accurate. upcheck sobbed into an empty smudged glass. the truth hurts sooooo much more.
the beginning of the end or the other way around.
celery tugged at the frayed end of her pale green jacket. it was raining... again.
his name was death and hell followed with him.
upcheck raised a chipped glass "to sex with exe's"
bob/ slew waited silently for the accident he was only able to prevent.
"to new beginnings or the same old shit."
"i'll fold you like a lawn chair, my man... beat you like a drum, smoke you like a cheap cigar."
celery hobbled over, she had twisted her ankle after successfully falling several times that night.
sophisticated ruin.
the lights changed from green to yellow to red... again that night.
"what are you going to do??? are you going to hit me?"
there was a knife with a pearl handle, a four inch blade and the grace of god..
bob- 15 aPril 2007
celery gave all her friends cancer in her mind...
her mother would marvel at their complete recovery months later.
next time little suzy so and so from the down the street would come over to play...
leukemia, lymphoma, lou gehrigh's disease... a lot of diseases that start with the letter "l"
celery was prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. a life lived with the added poignancy and interest that always involves a near death experience (with help from a thin, pale, eleven year old girl)... a small miracle existing purely in her mother's mind.

classic peanuts, or... hey charlie brown fuck you

(old sir henry oglepants, from my journal... which does make the saddest sort of friend)
10-12 june 2003
i sort of drifted through the city of sydney my first day in a a caffeine and nicotine haze. I've started planning in my head a trip toward queensland where i can pick bananas or trawl for fish in cairns. random unsubstantial conversations with complete strangers as i wandered around darling harbor, the rocks, and circular quay. i sat around, smoked, watching the people move around the city.
"it was all beautifully similar to everywhere else i've been."
-and for travelling alone... well... if that's way it's going to be. fuck it. that's the way it is.
I smiled and waved and the tiny girl giggled and buried her head in her mother's shirt and i was out the elevator door without a glance back...

18 august 2006

i went to dave and mendy's wedding on the 09th. two flights, a tube ride and then a train ride to plymouth and waited at the bus depot for another three hours and some fourteen hundred dollars later. you can't put a price on friendship. it was beautiful wedding at a naploeanic fort on the side of a cliff. I hung out with james and jenny most of the days and james's sister rachel. we stayed up late talking both nights. she was a social worker and lived in south london on the dodgey end. i drank coffee all night, the night of the wedding. rachel, james brown and jenny were just brilliant. smoking on the back steps with mendy's cousins from "WISCOSIN"... me the only one that laughed at my little joke... playing with her son. what is this??? the tiger claw.
sitting on couch with mendy... feeling so close to another person but at that same time realizing how far apart we really were... and that hug after it was all said and done from the two of them together. life is made up of all those small beautiful moments. i never want to forget that feeling; i never want to forget that memory. top five (number) four, show. staying with james and jenny, i realize why people travel because... someplaces at some times can feel more like home than home. in that moment you want to lose yourself. there will always be a place for you here. i would travel twice as far and spend all that i have... to be in that place to be with people i was sharing that moment. now i have twenty days consecutive days off and time to journal and drink and to do things.. and not to do them.
better men have met worse ends... but the race does not go to the fast nor the strong but time and chance when they intersect.

i'm not a soldier but i got soul

what's horrifying is not the act of murder... but the fact that it isn't committed more readily. the actual act so easy. the fact that anyone, anywhere could kill another person so easily if they wanted to but they don't. societies... governments create weapons of mass destruction because all of us won't do our own small part.
- upcheck
he sat quietly at the bar "no one tells me what to do."
if you die in your dream, you die in really life- the body cannot exist without the mind-
slew was constantly dying in his dreams... dying exotic deaths...in degrees.
laughing his ass off. he'd wake up upset and unable to go back to bed.
sooo... this is death. a strike to the base of the skull with a blunt instrument separating the brain from the spinal column. the stars you see right before you black out, a million dead wishes. this is my life this is my mistake.
he swung with a wild hay maker striking the side of the neck with a clenched hand.
what are you going to do???
are you going to hit me???
kapow... kerchow...
like the batman series on television, all the punches thrown wound up to cartoonish quality.
the beginning of the end or the other way around. celery crying her eyes out. this is the future welcome to it... celery knows all of this, but can prevent none of it.
in those star trek episodes, the captain of the next generation decides to go ahead knowing whatever they decide has been preordained so the choice, ultimately has to be... to change nothing.
they sat on the corner eating broken oreos by the fistful... passive acceptance.

me: what's going on?
jay: mmmm... I'll tell you what's going on... I got to reheat my burrito.
(enter colin stage left)
colin: you kickin it out here???
jay: kevin's party is tonight they're playing darts at mulligans. you should come.
jay: avocado, rib- eye, sour cream, lettuce... sooo good.
colin: babies, root beer floats and barbecue, how can you not love me... jeez.
jay: i generate excitement
colin: can you really put a cost on living the best year of your life???
me: how can you two tool boxes not have a roommate by now???
(not verbatim... but close)

part four or... I am starting a band called malcom x box aka the carl jung bloods

i can't finish anything, not even my life -slew
"wishes are only dreams with expired half- lives" bob said out loud. celery shouted down the hallway "and eyebrows are only little hairy sweatbands for your eyes." grabbing at a dull pink disposable razor and tugging it across her forehead taking off half her right eyebrow.
somewhere close a man has started drinking in a bar by himself. he raises a small glass full of whiskey and hate
the man exhales "here but for the grace of god we go." and drinks in and down, all the violence. he touches his swollen nose with a hand, the inside crusted with dried blood. blood tastes like copper... it's like trying to swallow a mouthful of rotting pennies. back and to the left.
the man on the bike path died a little more then two weeks later in the bathroom of his home of a massive brain hemorrhage. naked and foaming at the mouth... saggy balls and all. the fire fighter paramedics went through the motions covering his waist with a clean white sheet and drove to the hospital having already pronounced him in their minds. death be not proud.
fate... much like the word fucked... both start with the same letter.
celery knows this because i know this, she also reads the obituary pages from day old newspapers.
her parents died in a drunk driving accident. you know what they call a family of five in a minivan in accidents like that... airbags.
"everyone i ever know goes away in the end" celery sobbed pressing her head to the microwave and pushing start one night with slew. thank you trent reznor.
disappointment muck like the river denial is not just a island in the pacific... or a river in egypt.
the man at the bar will began drinking amaretto stone sours very soon, his name is upcheck. i know this because celery knows this. not the big why questions, but just the result. i know all of this before her because i am already dead. -bob

ask abby anyting???

dear paulette,
I have been happily married for seven years to a wonderful guy but lately I feel the romance has faded. do you have suggestions on how to spice up the love life in a languishing marriage??? sincerely, inquiring wives want to know

dear, iwwk i like to include at least three items in the bedroom when i decide it's sexy time- they include but aren't limited to the following:
-a food item
-an animal with a humorous disease
-an object
examples...
-a dented can of cream corn
-a hamster with epilepsy
-and a blue tarp
or...
-two boxes of lime green jello
-a flattened basketball
-a three legged cat with ringworm
it's a fun a game that could involve the whole family need be... the sky is the limit

the depahted

he rode a pale horse and his name was death, and hell followed with him. -johnny cash
this is my life this is my mistake
celery... celery invented pets that she didn't have, only to kill them off. she would dig holes in her backyard only to fill them in later, bawling her eyes out over the freshly turned earth for a pet she never had that had never died.
when i was I don't know... fourteen, i thought I had super powers... that I could see the future. there was a path that ran along side our house, a bike path... freshly paved and i knew a man was going to die there unless I prevented it. he is going to go walking and have a heart attack and I was the only one that was that was going to able to prevent it. I was grounded at the time, but i ran out of the house anyways crying and I took my bike and went to that bike path. there was a man... and he was walking and i rode up to him on my bicycle and said hi looking anxiously into his face. i have seen death, not back then... but later, and there is a smell... it smells of amaretto and rotten fruit. the smell is unmistakable. when you smell it you know the person is gone.. twenty- one grams lighter... done. they are gone and somewhere else. he looked at me and said hello back, and riding along side him for a minute, waiting for him to drop dead i asked tentatively "no, but how do you feel?" he walked on... down the bike path after giving me a strange look.
celery and bob waited waited on the corner of the intersection tonight... again. Waiting for the accident that he was only able to prevent. bob, "slew... my name was slew." celery turned to bob wiping her ratty bangs off her forehead. "slew... hey godot, the whole donnie darko moment... blah, blah, blah..."
bob wasn't listening, watching the lights change, he stared off into space willing what was supposed to happen, to happen so they could go home. "why don't you just blow me because you're acting like my fucking girlfriend right now." bob said, wiping a wet sleeve across his runny nose.